SKEWEDNews/Louisville, KY — Kim Davis, the Rowan County clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, was thrown out of jail today after protesting the jail’s policy of same-sex showers.
“I’ve had inmates do and say a lot of crazy things,” said Assistant Warden Able Fontgate. “She just annoyed the other inmates so much, we had to let her go.”
“What is wrong with this woman?” asked two-time convicted murderer and child-rapist Wilnona Strong. “I mean, I can’t read, but even I know the Bible is just a book.”
Davis spent six days in jail on a contempt of court charge, but the jail was forced to release her after a slew of complaints from inmates and staff.
“I’m a religious person, but this woman!” said Scott Tester, a prison guard currently on probation for acts of brutality. “I mean, who were these inmates bothering? They just wanted to get clean.”
Through her lawyers, Davis claims that the Bible and Jesus Christ were specifically against same-sex showering, and that it would be against her religion to participate in such “blaspheme.” But when pressed to produce the exact quote in the Bible that says this, the lawyers immediately ended the questioning.
“This woman is a hero!” proclaimed Mike Huckabee on the steps of the State Capitol building yesterday. “The Bible clearly states that a woman should not see the boobies of another woman! Christians everywhere should follow her brave example! I, myself, have stop showering with the other male members of my family in full support.”
US District Judge David Bunning, who presides over the marriage license case, ordered Davis “not to interfere in any way, directly or indirectly, with the efforts of two people of the same sex to shower, bathe or pour water on themselves for the purposes of hygiene.” Davis’ lawyers vowed to fight the order and immediately received $82 million dollars in support from Christian Conservative Groups across the country.