Kevin Marcus: Too Much Tech? How’s Your Hair?

Too much tech? Please. Freaked out about EMFs? Forget it. Our Kevin Marcus says WiFi isn’t just sustaining him, it’s making him more self aware. More like … Chuang-Zu maybe. And then there’s that girl.

aNewDomain — Too much tech? Ha. I met a woman yesterday who told me she lived way out in BFE — Bum Eff Egypt. She told me she moved there to dodge all the sneaky Wi-Fi signals slicing through the troposphere. Too much tech for her.

Please. But before I shoot down that thinking, here are a few disclaimers I’d like to make right away. I am not an engineer. I am not a scientist. I am not an IT specialist. I’m the night copy editor here at aNewDomain and I’ve been around a few years. Longer than Pamela Sue Anderson. But I digress.


Photo courtesy: FIRST

Today, I was at the office where I work (my third job) and I connected a new tablet into the Wi-Fi there. High five for me.  But man, it took me forever to wade through all the Wi-Fi networks just to find ours.

The entire building, all eight floors and all 50 or so offices, of course had Wi-Fi. Which made me think: Wi-Fi isn’t killing me, like that new woman I met said.

It is sustaining me! Sitting in there, I noticed my body had so much information coursing through it that I’m no longer the automaton I once was. I actually am becoming self-aware.

We’re surrounded with tablets, phones and all manner of computers at this moment. You are. I am, too.

So ask yourself. How’s your hair holding up? Does it explode off your head now every time you sneeze, like some kind of radioactive dandelion? Are you impotent because of reading and writing millions of emails?

Does your girlfriend currently intrigue you not so much, but damn does that video game you’ve played 420 times really, really have a pull on your psyche?

And how long has it been since you last checked your email anyway? Maybe you ought to do that now. Probably you have texts, too.

Pop quiz: Who is truly addicted to too much tech?

A) Kids

B) That fat moth that got into your house last night or …

C) You?

Look in the mirror. There’s only one right answer.

I fell asleep with my smartphone hooked onto my hip yesterday. Two laptops were five feet away on my desk, both turned on and tuned into aNewDomain and our Linux spin-off site, My new tablet was in a case at my feet, Wi-Fi-ing away all by itself. On autopilot.

There’s a light bulb burning above my head as I type.

And two nights ago, I fell asleep watching The Outlaw Josie Wales on my old, huge flat screen TV. Talk about a radiation-emitting powerpig there. The display is all blue and glowy right now because the VCR is still on. They’ve both been on for, what, 48 hours? Now you know why I have three jobs.

So does anyone remember when they used to say watching too much TV would rot your brain? What about when they said sitting too close to the TV was bad for you? Who are these people, anyway? As it turns out, “they” might just be my grandma. I sorta forget.

“They” also said you shouldn’t stick a fork in an electrical outlet. They also said having your bedroom right next to power lines caused … was it Chirpes, the canarial disease? And we weren’t supposed to sleep for eight hours next to an electric alarm clock. Ever. Remember those evil EMFs? They don’t talk so much about that anymore.

Wait. I just had an epiphany. I’m kind of like Chuang-Zu, wondering whether I am dreaming of a butterfly or if the butterfly is dreaming of me. Except I’m no butterfly. I am a moth. But thanks to too much tech, I’m an incredibly self-aware moth.

For, I’m night editor Kevin Marcus.

Based in North Carolina, Kevin Marcus is a Clint Eastwood-Bruce Willis-Kevin Costner fan. He also likes Angelina Jolie, Robin Wright Penn (sorry Sean) and that woman with the really fluffy eyebrows from A Beautiful Mind. Oh yeah. Jennifer Connelly. Contact Kevin at lol@soulmates or — or by reconnecting your can to the long string near your feet. My can is at the other end of that string. Communicamos! Whatever works.