Rick Perry Drops Out, Blames God

rick perry
Written by Ted Rall

Former Texas governor Rick Perry is first to bail out of the presidential race. Why? He blames The Big Guy …

ted-rall-aaron-la-timesaNewDomain — Texas Governor Rick Perry, who flubbed his 2012 run for president after forgetting the name of the third federal cabinet department he wanted to close during a debate, is dropping out of the 2016 race as well.

“When I gave my life to Christ, I said, ‘Your ways are greater than my ways. Your will (is) superior to mine,'” Perry commented in his withdrawal announcement.

rick perry drops out ted rallGiven Perry’s famously deficient intellect, this is not a very nice thing to say about Christianity’s designated Messiah.

Perry continued: “Today I submit that His will remains a mystery, but some things have become clear. That is why today I am suspending my campaign for the presidency of the United States.”

Translation: It sure would be nice of an omniscient deity to let me know if I’m totally wasting my time the next time I run for president, what with it being hard and expensive and requiring that I read a lot of boring documents I can’t remember.

“We have a tremendous field — the best in a generation,” Perry said of his fellow Republicans. “So I step aside knowing our party is in good hands, and as long as we listen to the grassroots, the cause of conservatism will be, too.”

Just hours ago, The Washington Post was handicapping Perry’s increasingly limited path to victory, citing next week’s GOP debate as a do-or-die proposition for Perry, inexplicably elected governor of a whole state, even if it was Texas.

Despite repeated prayer-based requests for comment, the Son of God did not comment on His future plans, if any, for Rick Perry.

For aNewDomain, I’m Ted Rall.

Rick Perry image: NYPost.com, All Rights Reserved; Rick Perry cover shot: ABCnews.go.com, All Rights Reserved.