The Perfect Greek Debt Solution? Bring in Donald Trump

Greece Donald Trump greek debt solution
Written by Tom Ewing

Alexis Tsipras, you’re fired! Put in Donald Trump as the new Greek head honcho. He’d fix Greece’s $300B Euro debt and have fun doing it. Here’s how.

aNewDomain — Greece’s socialist Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras boasts that he’s “called the bluff” of Eurozone finance ministers with Greece’s overwhelming vote Sunday against further austerity measures. Maybe he’s right.

Then again, with Greece’s national debt at 177 percent of GDP, it seems just as likely that Tsipras will awake next Friday to find a team of repo men hauling away everything from his presidential limo to the country’s Air Force and Navy, along with loose art treasures from Greece’s National Museum, fire trucks and parking meters.

If the socialists fail, Greece needs a hard right turn. Its Golden Dawn fascist party is a non-starter for renegotiating the country’s debt. So much of the relief involves Germany. And German law forbids the German government from even speaking to fascists, let alone arranging financing for them.

But maybe there’s another option, and one that might be a bit of an international win-win, too. This option involves someone who knows how to negotiate and drive a hard bargain — and someone who’s master of the bluff. I’m talking, of course, about the veritable American multi-billionaire, Donald Trump.

That’s right, I’m talking about The Donald — a veritable son of Plutus if ever there was. He’d be perfect.

Greece, Grexit Donald Trump the new CEO of Greece

Who better to negotiate with wimpy German finance ministers waiting desperately for their annual summer vacation than Trump? Think about it.

He would never agree to anything. And he’d never fold. After a week or so, they’d just offer him piles more of German cash just to start their vacations. Maybe we could get him to cut us in, too.

Plus, Trump knows a bit about money troubles, having nearly gone broke several times during the course of his career. He knows all about junk bonds. He also knows how to turn an organization around. Isn’t a country just one big organization trying to maximize its profit?

As the new Greek prime minister and president, Trump could also develop novel methods for bringing in extra revenue for the country. Greek civil servants are notoriously inefficient. Imagine a giant reality TV show where the country’s prime minister stomps into various government offices firing everyone in sight and replacing them with cheaper workers.

Of course, Trump probably wouldn’t go for a title like prime minister or president. He’d want a title like CEO or chairman of the board. Give it to him. Or maybe the Greek’s could create a new title just for him — The Donald — in the same way the heir to the French throne is always “the Dauphin,” and Yoruba emperors are known as “the Alaafin.” It has a nice ring, you’ve got to admit.

Trump could spruce up the Greek tourism trade with a new line of hotels and casinos. Just imagine the trill of staying at the Trump Parthenon casino and rolling for big dough at the craps table in the “Oracle of Delphi Room.”

You can imagine his speech to the reluctant ones:

Yeah, yeah. Greece has contributed massively to western culture. You people practically founded western civilization. But what has that tired old building up on the hill — the Parthenon — done for you lately? Nothing, that’s what. Well, I’m gonna change that starting tomorrow … “

The speech would be on the verge of tanking until Trump delivered the punch line:

Oh, yeah, and I called up the British prime minister. And I told him that if he doesn’t send the Elgin marbles back next week, he’s gonna be in a world of hurt!”

Greece Donald Trump greek debt solutionOf course, Trump will have sealed the deal with David Cameron by providing a pile of luxury passes to the prime minister and his cabinet in the new Trump Peloponnesus Hotel, Spa and Golf course.

CEO of Greece would be good for Trump. His own campaign for U.S. president is stalling, especially after the backlash he’s received from calling Mexican immigrants “rapists” and for “bringing crime.” The fallout has not only hurt his campaign prospects, it’s beginning to hurt his pocketbook, with terminated business relationships ranging from Macy’s to Serta to NBC Universal.

Trump may in fact already be preparing for this new position. He’s been boning up on the Greek debt crisis, counseling, “I think that Greece is going to be in better shape than people think.”

Trump’s statement was made in the context of his statement that either Germany or Russia will rescue Greece.

Maybe Trump knows something we don’t.

It’s not completely preposterous for Trump to become the head dude of Greece. After all, Bill Clinton routinely says that he’s eligible to become president of France and president of Ireland.

Making Trump the CEO-in-chief and Prime Minister of Greece should assure Greece’s NATO allies, such as the United States. After all, who better to have at the helm of a strategically important country than one of our own?

Greece donald trump greek debt solution

For aNewDomain, I’m Tom Ewing.

Image credits: “Trump Parthenon” by Tom Ewing for aNewDomain, based on a composite from the Parthenon, Caesar’s Palace and Trump Taj Majal.

Other images: Trump on Iwo Jima, by U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class David Danals [Public domain], via Wikimedia Commons; Trump in Tuxedoby Michele Sandberg [GFDL or CC-BY-SA-3.0], via Wikimedia Commons.

All images, All Rights Reserved.