Skewed: AIPAC Demands Upgrade of Phantom Israeli Nukes

israel nukes explosion
Written by David Michaelis

AIPAC demands that the Israel nukes, which do not exist, must be upgraded. The recent Iran negotiations have lobbed Assured Mutual Destruction into action.

aNewDomain/SkewedNews — After 50 years of silence, The American Israel Public Affairs Committee (AIPAC), has finally opened up on channels on U.S. President Barack Obama’s Iran Nuclear Agreement. It has also briefed David Michaelis of our new SkewedNews on its so-called Assured Mutual Destruction (AMD) plan. Here’s what he learned.

AIPAC’s public statement now has been heard around the world. Here’s an excerpt:

‘Never Again’ means that Jews have the right to enact Assured Mutual Destruction (AMD). There must be assurance that Israel will not be annihilated without the perpetrators paying the full and equitable price.”

MAD (1)Senior AIPAC officials told us that the AMD plan entails the urgent need to upgrade Israel’s nuclear facilities and capabilities.

The amendment for this multi-billion dollar upgrade will be included in the next appropriation bill, a source inside the effort told us.

AIPAC clarified that senators who do not support the bill could well be out of favor in 2016.

When asked how the organization could tell the future, one official, of several who briefed us and asked to remain unnamed, replied: “We make and break the future of any politician.”

And what of the plan’s apparent similarities to the Mutual Assured Destruction (MAD)? Another AIPAC official, speaking not for attribution, told us wryly: “Those are completely different acronyms.”

Why Now?

All this begs the question of why now? AIPAC has been silent on this and so many other matters for an exceedingly long time.

Officials had no clear answers on this issue for SkewedNews. Or anyone else, actually.

This reporter notes for the record, however, that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s catastrophic manner of thinking is the ruling mentality today. Just saying.

And, as Israel’s former Foreign Minister Shlomo Ben-Ami wrote:

For Netanyahu, it is essentially an old Jewish ghetto, attempting to hold out against relentless threats. In this Hobbesian worldview, the threats can stem from virtually any development – political, strategic, or otherwise – and amount to existential challenges to the entire Jewish nation. The only way to avoid catastrophe is to remain constantly vigilant.”

Notable Arab diplomats have said publicly how shocked they are at AIPAC’s new and sudden brashness.

We are all stunned to hear, by implication, that Israel has nuclear capability, and that it will now be upgraded.

360988-01-08But AIPAC will use every ounce of its powers in Washington to both assure the upgrade while maintaining the illusion that Israel does not, in fact, have nuclear weapons.

Sheldon Adelson, the casino billionaire, will invest the entirety of his fortune in this policy initiative. Adelson in 2013 elaborated on his belief that the correct U.S. response to Iran’s nuclear possibility was threatening nuclear attack:

Adelson then imagined what might happen if an American official were to call up an Iranian official, say, ‘Watch this[expletive deleted]’ … and subsequently drop a nuclear bomb in the middle of the Iranian desert.”

When asked about the AIPAC announcement, Susan Rice, a national security advisor, said, “The president does not recognize Israel’s right to commit suicide and (he) will veto this appropriation bill.”

But Rice clarified that the policy of “don’t ask, don’t tell” concerning Israel’s nuclear power will be maintained.

For aNewDomain and SkewedNews, I’m .

Editor: Following the lead of Ted Rall and his dealings with the Los Angeles Times and the Los Angeles Police Department of late, David Michaelis, too, will be fired for writing this fantastical piece of augmented reality reporting. JK, DM. For more satire of the political sort, do check out aNewDomain’s new satire site SkewedNews, headed up by satirists Ted Rall and Dino Londis. 

Images in order: Nuclear explosion via Wikimedia Commons; MAD: courtesy of  Contrary Brin; Screenshot: by David Michaelis via Al-Akhbar.