aNewDomain/SKEWEDNews — It’s been a big month around here at aNewDomain. We dug deep and discovered some inconsistencies in the Ashley Madison stories, explored fundamental attribution and we’re breaking new viewership records almost daily. All that popularity has writers excited and trying too hard to find a story where maybe there isn’t one. Here are the top ten rejected stories for the month of September.
Pope Francis Implores Congress to Take in Immigrants, Especially Sweet Young Boys
Pontiff Vows to Take as Many Boys as Possible
Rumors of a Destiny’s Child Reunion Tour Causes Stampede in Mecca
Mohammed Would’ve Been Huge Beyonce Fan
ISIS Suicide Bomber Dressed as Woman Gets Several Free Drinks Before Killing Himself
Cellphone number was apparently tied to bomb
Benjamin Netanyahu Accuses His Reflection of Anti-Semitism
Demands that all Palestinians destroy their mirrors or face missile barrage
Donald Trump Insists Dome Should Be Built Over U.S.
Scientists insist their won’t be enough air
Holy Sh*t. The Pope Uses Congress’ Mens Room
Congressman who took Pope’s water considered this prize too.
Pizza Rat Asks Media to Respect the Privacy of His Litter
Relentless paparazzi have nearly destroyed subway rodent’s life
Martin Shkreli Buys World’s Supply of Puppies
All unsold $10,000 puppies to be euthanized by Friday
Volkswagon Promises Next Line of Cars Will be Better at Fooling Pollution Tests
CEO promises shareholders more deceitful practices in the future
Chris Christie Vows to Eat Vladamir Putin if Elected
Might eat the rest of Russian cabinet if he’s still hungry
For aNewDomain, I’m Tony DiGerolamo.