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CNN Runs Out of Tragic Things to Exploit in Church Shooting

Dylann Roof church shooting
Written by Tony DiGerolamo

“You work so hard to cover something like this,” said Peter Mayfield, an assistant segment producer, choking back tears. “Then just as quickly as it came, it’s gone. It’s going to take a while to get used to.”

aNewDomain/Skewed News — Atlanta, GA: CNN officials acknowledged today that it had finally run out of tragic things to talk about from the June 17 church shooting in a historic church in Charleston, SC. Newsroom staff were saddened by the announcement.

“You work so hard to cover something like this,” said Peter Mayfield, an assistant segment producer, choking back tears. “Then just as quickly as it came, it’s gone. It’s going to take a while to get used to.”

The story of the church massacre, which left nine people dead, made headlines all over the world, but the intensity of the tragedy had begun to die down in recent days. CNN interns began to disassemble the bulletin board and erase the dry erase board CNN editors used to track and follow the story elements, just as the final victim was laid to rest a few hundred miles away.

Sarah Milton of Brighton University said,

I’ll always remember where I was when I cleaned the conference room. Wolf Blitzer said I could keep one of the stills of the shooter so I would always remember this time and how it made me feel.”

Harvard media professor Anton Vikechik said,

Tragedies like this eventually get overshadowed by new ones. They ebb and flow in cycles and the viewers forget who the real victims are: CNN execs trying to maintain audience share in key demos.”

church shooting cnnThe CNN Chyron operator has removed the church shooting graphics from his desktop and placed them delicately in the archive. It seems that life simply goes on for the CNN staff, even without the story.

There are a few new tragedies on the horizon: an assassination in Egypt, a massacre in Tunisia and celebrity rehab fails that can be disguised as news. But with most Americans unable to find Egypt or Tunisia on a map, and the celebrities falling under C-list at best, it’s just not the same.

A defeated Wolf Blitzer, getting his makeup retouched just before air, sighed and said,

I’m going to miss that church story. Without the right mix of grief and outrage, I might as well just tell viewers to switch to Fox News.”

There will be a memorial service for the church shooting story hosted in the CNN break room by Candy Crowley on June 30 to commemorate the loss.

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Featured image: Dylann Roof courtesy of Charleston County Sheriff’s Office Detention Center

Body image: CNN Center by tinkerbrad via Flickr

About the author

Tony DiGerolamo