SKEWEDNews: A Constitutional Mistake that Almost Changed History

Benjamin Franklin
Written by Frank Visa

Thank goodness Ben Franklin caught this Constitutional Grammar Error. SkewedNews.

aNewDomain/SkewedNews — Not much to add to this graphic. One can only imagine the fur-infested warfare the US would be known for if Ben Franklin’s copy editor (and nephew!), Billy Franklin, hadn’t caught the grammatical error.

Grizzlies, American black bears and good-natured brown bears dodged a bullet.

Ben Franklin caught this error just before publication.

“True Americans who go back way before this Confederate Flag nonsense,” says Clyde, an anonymous bear-owning Keep and Arm Bears leader, “take the Constitution grammatical inaccuracies seriously. We believe the Founders wanted us to own and arm bears.”

So they have. In a pen in South Carolina you can visit the Keep and Arm Bears training grounds. Small American Black Bears are trained to use military-grade snipers. Generic brown bears are trained in infantry, donning heavy kevlar and extra-large grenades (which, after testing, they still don’t know how to use). Grizzlies are bred from birth, by Clyde and others, to operate rocket launchers.

It’s a fearsome sight.

“This is the sort of protection and army our country was meant for. Humans waging war against each other is just stupid. Bears don’t kill black people for no reason; They kill everybody for no reason. Especially when given a gun. It was prudence, and a foresight against prejudice,” Clyde said

For aNewDomain, I’m Frank Visa.

Image credits:

BenFranklinDuplessis” by Joseph-Siffrein Duplessis Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons.

Image Courtesy Polly Londis.