Jason Dias: On Dating — For Bigots

dating for bigots

What’s wrong with special interest dating sites? Jason Dias digs in.

aNewDomain commentaryjason-dias-anewdomain-amazon-kindle — One of my favorite jokes is to say something that places me in time, say, a 1989s pop reference, and then follow it up with: “I really shouldn’t date myself, but my wife won’t let me date other people anymore.”

But let’s talk about dating. These days, you have your choice between general dating sites and those aimed at specific populations. OkCupid is fun and full of silly personality tests. EHarmony touts itself as scientific, using less silly assessments to estimate your compatibility. That’s mostly a serious attachment kind of site if the advertising is genuine: they cite the number of marriages arising from their contacts. There are flingier sites, too. AdultFriendFinder probably doesn’t count, and neither does AshleyMadison.

Both are plagued with problems of fake profiles, overstated claims and entertainment for hire..

Outside of these general interest sites, though, you can get into dating sites with increasingly narrow specifications.

date2Christian Mingle, for example, lets you sift through a dating pool of people who share that belief system. There is also JDate.

I find this to be a puzzling phenomenon. Any of the main dating sites can provide categories for religiosity. Even OkCupid can do that.

Do we really need whole sites to prevent any possible contact with people of differing faiths as though such faiths or, god forbid, atheism, were a communicable disease you could catch by an ally browsing an unbeliever’s profile?

Don’t be silly.

These are just ways for webmasters to monetize your bigotry.

God’s plan for you seems to be contingent on your having good enough Wi-Fi.

There are other ways to pre-narrow your searches, though. OurTime is maybe the most rational of these. This is a site for people whose hair is naturally white. It’s very difficult to compete on the general interest dating sites. Browsers’ standards are psychotic sometimes. You have to have a profile picture to get any attention at all, and then people are very, very judgy about attractiveness – as well as faith, weight and age.

date3Someone looking for a mature relationship with someone in their own general age bracket might have quite good reasons to go to a specialty site.

But what about farmers?

FarmersOnly is a dating site for, well, farmers only. Do people working in agriculture have lives so different and distinct from the rest of us that they need their own dating site?

Democrats and Republicans can date within the confines of their own narrow beliefs, too, without all the hassle of clicking a check-box on a form on a more general interest site. BDSM aficionados might need their own site — the people that put out AshleyMadison.com actually offer one.

What about geeks? Apple fans? Linux nuts? Prison inmates? Tall people?

You know you can specify on a general-interest site, right? What do we need any of this for?

And where is all this going?

Well, follow it to its natural conclusion. As the sites cater to ever narrower interests, with all the exclusions up front, we can pick sites that eliminate differences. As the people we are looking for are allowed fewer differences from us, eventually we can specify someone exactly like us.

But nobody on Earth is more like you than you are.

So the only natural conclusion is that you wind up dating yourself.

Which you really shouldn’t ought to do. I mean, isn’t one of you enough?

For aNewDomain, I’m Jason Dias.

Cover image: szexrolszabadon, All Rights Reserved; inset image one: Yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow, All Rights Reserved, Christiandiarist.com, All Rights Reserved; image two: Pattolah.wordpress.com, All Rights Reserved.

 

 

 

About the author

Jason Dias

Jason Dias, PsyD is an existential psychotherapist who breathes words. He's a senior columnist at aNewDomain.

2 Comments

  • Actually there is a purpose to the Christian dating sites. While other datong sites allow you to specify your religion, it’s much more difficult to specify more detail about how serious your faith is to you and specific practices of your faith. Many self-described Christians go to church two or three times a year, while others go every Sunday and get involved in the church working in the ministries of the church working with charity organizations in the church, etc. It’s much more difficult to manage on that sort of thing on the non Christian dating sites. It’s not necessarily even limiting your dating pool to only people just like yourself but we’re talking about people that we don’t know, not people we’ve met in the workplace and had a chance to get to know before talking about a possible romance.
    I, for instance, would have no problem dating women who follow Islam or Hinduism, but those would be cases where i had already met the women. If I’m going to search through web listings, I’d prefer to focus a bit more at the start. And while other dating sites could make this easy, they choose not to.
    Just my 2 cents.

  • You wrote that there’s a bdsm app Ashley Madison has out but google shows nothing. What’s the name of it?