Happy Canada Day! Sorry We Burned Toronto!

happy birthday canada
Written by Tom Ewing

Today is Canada’s 148th birthday. Aw. Happy Canada Day! Surveys say Americans like Canadians more than anyone else. True! We love ya, rink rats! Here’s why.

aNewDomain — Happy Canada Day! Today marks the 148th anniversary of the founding of modern Canada. Surveys show that Americans like Canadians more than any other people. Our editor Gina Smith, a native Floridian who should know, says she never met a Canadian she didn’t love. Not like. Love. And we believe her.

Happy Canada DayYou truly are an awfully nice bunch of rink rats. Is it okay to call you that?

So July 1, 2015 marks the three-way merger among the British North American colonies of Nova ScotiaNew Brunswick and the Province of Canada into a federation of four provinces you now know as, ahem, Canada.

You should be so proud, seriously. You’ve got  the world’s second oldest federal democracy up there. And you’re prosperous. You have a LOT less crime and poverty than we have down here. And everything’s so — green. You still have bears and wolves, by golly. Cheers to you all. Quite frankly, we’re jealous!

So on behalf of aNewDomain I’d like to wish you the happiest and healthiest of birthdays, rink ra … er, I mean Canadians.

Long live Canada!

Oh, by the way: We’d like to take this opportunity to say we’re sorry. We’re so sorry we burned down Toronto that time. You remember.

Yikes. Sorry!

I know lots of Canadian jokes, neighbors. Bet you never ever heard these:

Q: What do the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Titanic have in common? A: They both look good until they hit the ice!

Q: Whats the difference between frequent flyer miles and the Toronto Maple Leafs? A: Frequent flyer miles earn points.

Q: Why do Maple Leafs fans drink from a saucer? A: Because the cup’s always in Detroit!

Q: Why did the Maple Leafs enforcer retire early? A: He was ice fishing and got run over by the zamboni!

Q: Why don’t the Maple Leafs drink tea? A: Because the Canadiens and Red Wings have all the cups.

Q: What do you call 5 Toronto Maple Leafs players standing ear to ear? A: A wind tunnel.

Q: Why are the Maple Leafs like grizzly bears? A: Every fall they go into hibernation.

Q: What does a recent high school dropout and the Toronto Maple Leafs have in common? A: They?re both young, have no goals and no good prospects.

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/sportsjokes/nhljokes/torontomapleleafsjokes.html

What celebration of Canada’s independence would be complete without your homegirl Sarah MacLachan singing the country’s national anthem “O Canada” with burly rink rats. I mean, hockey players:

Not surprisingly, today is a public holiday in Canada for you guys.

Happy Birthday CANADAToday’s weather forecast: For Western Canada it calls for much more sun and less rain than Eastern Canada.

Regardless, evening skies will be filled with fireworks displays around the country and anniversary concerts like this celebration in Vancouver (pictured at left).

It’s funny. Even though surveys show that Americans like Canadians more than anyone else in the world, we Americans generally know very little about you, our closest neighbors to the north.

Happy Canada Day




Come on, Americans. How much do you know about Canada? Really?

Test yourself against these randomly selected rink rats. I mean, Canadians. In the video — below.

Note: Editor Gina Smith is the one responsible for all the off-color and/or offensive jokes in this piece, including the headline, the cover image and the repeated use of the term “Rink Rats.” Remember? She said she never met a Canadian she didn’t love! And trust me: If she didn’t love you, she’d just ignore you : ) tle

happy birthday canadaFor aNewDomain, I’m Tom Ewing.

Photos and credits:

Canadian Flag.

Sarah MacLachlan singing O Canada.

Canadian fireworks.

Canadian Quiz.

Etudier-voyager.fr, All Rights Reserved. 

Canadian “eh” is disappearing! Oh, no! www.rcinet.ca, All Rights Reserved.