EXCLUSIVE: Yahoo to Buy Yahoo for $50 Billion

melissa meyer skewed news
Joy Ma
Written by Joy Ma

On the heels of the AOL acquisition of AT&T, Yahoo announced today a bid to buy itself for $50 Billion.

AND’s SkewedNews — On the heels of the AOL acquisition of AT&T, Yahoo announced today a bid to buy itself.

“We’re delighted to be making this acquisition,” said Ted Edwards, a spokesmodel for Yahoo who wishes to remain anonymous. “This is a hostile takeover but with a bid so high I’m sure we’ll have no trouble pushing this though. And we know virtually everyone on the board because we are the board so this should not be as hostile as the word ‘hostile’ implies.”

Yahoo is not known for having such deep pockets and questions immediately came up about where the money is coming from.

“Valuation is the first question,” said Edwards. “We plan to leverage the incoming money from the sale to pay for it. It’s a matter for the escrow lawyers.”

Carly Fiorina stated, “You called the wrong woman. You want to talk to Melissa Meyer. She’s CEO of Yahoo. I used to be CEO of HP. Good luck getting Melissa on the line when you’re not, say, the CEO of HP anymore. By the way, I’m running for president and since I have you on the line … ”

Meyer was unavailable for comment. She could be surfing the web, on the phone or doing any number of things. We can only guess.

Edwards from Yahoo continued, “People don’t see value in Yahoo. We see it every day. I’m sure the SEC will have no problem fast tracking this for approval.”

The SEC was unavailable for comment. Could they be with Meyer? Since it was just announced today it’s likely too soon for the SEC to comment, but since this does not reduce competition for services, there should be no issues.

UPDATE: There is no update.

For aNewDomain’s SkewedNews, I’m Dino Londis.