aNewDomain/Skewed News — Atlantic City, New Jersey: Dr. Raymond Flinkst, a New Jersey therapist that claims to see several high profile clients including Donald Trump, held a press conference today to beg voters to take the presidential candidate more seriously.
“Normally, an event such as this press conference would be unthinkable for someone in my profession to talk to or about a patient,” said Flinkst, reading from a prepared statement. “But this is my attempt to reach Donald and help him cope with the reality he has, for too long, denied.”
In a 40-minute statement, Flinkst went on to explain that Trump suffers from a new mental disorder he calls “Hyper Megalomania Narcissism;” a condition where a patient suffers from an overly inflated ego, sense of self-importance and delusions of grandeur. Flinkst pointed to the Taj Mahal Casino (formerly Trump’s Taj Mahal) with it’s “gaudy facade” and “ridiculously high price tag” as not just an ugly building, but an early cry for help.
“Donald thinks he can actually be president,” Flinkst said. “But we all know it can’t happen. After dropping out of the race in 2012, he ended up calling me to his limo, crying while eating several dozen To’ak chocolate bars, the most expensive chocolate bar in the world. I said to him: ‘No amount of money can mask your pain, Donald. Embrace your feelings and rise above.'”
Several reporters attending the press conference attempted to ask questions at this point, but Flinkst refused to take them. He did go on to admit that his methods of treatment were “necessarily unorthodox,” but that he’d been forced to take unusual measures in order to reach the Donald in his sessions.
“I’m calling on the American voters to take the Trump CampaignTM seriously so that Donald’s policies can be revealed to him for the nonsense we all know they are. Without this wake up call, Mr. Trump is likely to continue to live in his fantasy world of raping Latinos, making schoolyard foreign policy decisions and insisting that his haircuts are worth the $500 he pays for them. I urge the American voter to step up and to help this sick man.”
The Trump CampaignTM issued a statement immediately following the press conference denouncing Flinkst as a “quack” and a “cut-rate shrink unfit to treat boardwalk rickshaw drivers.”