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Apple Car? Here’s What To Expect From the iCar [exclusive]

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Gina Smith
Written by Gina Smith

Here’s the ultimate iCar guide and what to expect from the Apple car’s design, tech specs, support and upgrade strategy.

aNewDomainThe Wall Street Journal reports that Apple is planning an electric car and has 1,000 people on the project. The Apple Car — or iCar — will look like a small, boxy SUV, sources say. What else? To quell your curiosity, we did a deep dive. Here’s what to expect from the iCar.

White Tires

Unlike every other car in the world that has black tires, the Apple Car will have white tires, giving the car instant brand recognition. An aftermarket will spring up offering white tires for any car, followed closely by colored tires, sparkly tires, and tires encrusted with Swarovski crystals. –Alfred Poor

Smooth Lines and the New Apple iPad Ozone

The Apple Car, or iCar, will have such smooth lines that at first, you will need to figure out where the door is. It will be a two-seater because coupes look better than sedans. It will have a lightning connectors for the driver and passenger, so that two iPhones can be connected.  An iPad Air or the even thinner iPad Ozone will slide into the dash for music and navigation.  Speakers will be made by Beats from its new hardware division.

Drawbacks: It will suck on battery life and only be able to go five miles without a recharge.  Apple will explain that this is intentional to encourage people to buy local. And overheating will be an issue, but Apple will explain that all electric cars run hot.  There will be no micro-USB connectors, and when someone decides to use a USB port to run an Android phone, the car will speak: “Intruder alert: alien presence detected.”  And by then, Androids will be able to speak, so the phone will say: “Hey, Steve, can’t we all get along?” Yes, the car will be named Steve – however, there will be plans for colored versions named Lisa. –Terry Gardner

The Apple Car Protection Plan

If you accidentally crash it or drop it into the East River, the Genius Bar has the authority to give you a refurb – even if it’s out of warranty. As for protecting your Apple Car, Apple will offer a full line of beautifully crafted leather car bras and exterior masks. Some will argue, “why cover such a beautiful art” but these covers will be very popular. Mophie’s Car Bra will actually increase battery life up to 120 percent! — Buzz Garwood

Future Models Will Go Faster With Each Generation

Proprietary charging won’t work with Tesla. Initial model limited to 55 mph. Future models will go faster with each generation. Revolutionary I battery charges two percent faster than other batteries. Must pair with the Apple iPhone in order to start. Includes CarCloud storage, which will be buggy and immediately hacked. Android users will claim Google did it first. Recode loves it. On release, Business Insider predicts the death of General Motors. – Mike Olsen
apple-car-icar-what-to-expect

Apple Genius iTow Roadside Assistance

The Apple iTow Truck will be only  kind of tow truck that can attach to the Apple car and return it to the Apple Genius Bar at any Apple Store Garage.

There you can also shop for repairs, which won’t be called repairs but classified as either “unscheduled upgrades” or “end user neglect.”

At left, find an artist’s rendering of an Apple Genius Roadside Assistance iTow truck on patrol on a Los Angeles freeway during rush hour, accompanied by Apple iTow drone.  Not pictured: Apple iTow’s signature heavy attachment iMagnet. –Tom Ewing

Built-in Lifestyle and Diet Sensors

The iCar shall also come with special interior sensors that can tell whether anyone has brought any red or white meat, fowl, or poultry into the car. If the iCar Diet and Lifestyle AI senses the presence of such foodstuffs, the following happens:

1) The onboard computer pulls the car off to the side of the road and freezes it there.
2) All of the doors lock.
3) The windows go down one-third of the way.
The iCar, at this point, cannot be exited by opening the doors nor driven at all until all of the offensive foodstuffs have been thrown out by way of the partially opened windows. Once this expulsion is accomplished, the doors unlock and the driver regains control of the vehicle. –Brant David

Requires an Apple iPhone To Start

The Apple Car, a revolutionary new car technology that is accessible from your living room, is a hybrid electric solar self-driven car that requires an Apple iPhone to start up.  It requires a special Apple Joystick application to be installed on the iPhone, to drive it around.  To make that happen, here’s what the Apple Car would have inside: a microprocessor driven motor for steering, single power relay, a transformer to scale up or down voltages, engine diagnostics, a high- powered battery operated generator, battery bank in the boot, an eliminator to power the batteries through solar. — Maninder Singh Kumar

I’m Gina Smith and this is aNewDomain.

Cover art: by D J Shin (Own work) , via Wikimedia Commons

Artist’s rendering of an Apple Genius Roadside Assistance iTow truck on patrol on a Los Angeles freeway during rush hour, accompanied by Apple iTow drone. Not pictured: Apple iTow’s signature heavy attachment iMagnet. Credits: byJ3D3 (Own work) , via Wikimedia Commons

Credit: by Downtowngal (Own work) , via Wikimedia Commons

Credit: by Apple Inc. , via Wikimedia Commons

Credit: “NASA M2-F1” by NASAOriginal uploader was en:User:Triddle at en.Wikipedia. – NASA (http://nix.larc.nasa.gov/info;jsessionid=1h9uqoja1tmt7?id=EC63-229&orgid=7)Moved from english wikipedia en:Image:NASA M2-F1.jpg. Licensed under Public Domain via Wikimedia Commons.

About the author

Gina Smith

Gina Smith

Gina Smith is a New York Times bestselling author and an award-winning journalist online, in print, radio and national TV. A former correspondent for ABC News, Gina is the co-founder and editorial director of aNewDomain Media. Email Gina at gina@anewdomain.net find her on Twitter @ginasmith888

  • alrui

    I’ll believe Apple will make a vehicle as soon as I see them make a television:-)

    • Ant Pruitt

      Agreed

      -RAP, II

  • You may get your wish, Apple is already selling 5K iMac’s. We all know a 5K cinema display is coming in a few months, if not weeks. The cinema display is like a television in this day and ago of cord cutters.

    • alrui

      True its an awesome display/product but until its freed from the Mac contained within (I dont need another Mac at this time) or at least larger (42″ or more) I cant really use it even though I cut the cord ages ago:-)

      • I was referring to the cinema display not so much the iMac. But yeah, the 27″ is rather small in this day and age.

        • alrui

          I didnt realize that display was offered by itself – it would be nice in a bedroom perhaps or smaller area or sure combined with a Roku or AppleTV box!